Jonathan Scott Cox, 12/7/1973- 06/30/2010

It is said that people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Nine years ago this month my path crossed with his. I was instantly drawn to him. I’m not sure if it was his sharp sense of humor and wit, his shoot from the hip personality or something else words just can’t describe. Regardless, I was drawn to him with a power that was intimidating, exhilarating, and refreshing all at once. We only spent a year and a half dating which is quite insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but what I went through and learned from our time together, and more importantly our time apart, is far more significant and will be with me for a lifetime.

“Drive Fast, Take Chances”
I’m a very by the book type of person and Jon showed me that sometimes the book isn’t necessarily right. That life isn’t black and white. I loved and loathed his spontaneity and disregard for the rules. I learned that sometimes it’s ok to do what you want instead of what’s expected. That it’s ok to take chances and see what happens, that it’s not the end of the world if things don’t go according to plans.

“Christmas does come more than once a year”
I cracked up the first time he said this to me, but he was right. We don’t have to wait for Christmas to open up our presents. Gifts are in front of us all the time and everywhere. We just have to choose to recognize them as gifts and celebrate them as such.

“I talked to Ellis today”
A series of events occurred that put Jon and Ellis on opposite sides of the fence. It was a shock to hear that these childhood friends parted ways so abruptly. I can’t remember how much time went by, but one day Jon told me he had talked to Ellis and he missed him. I admired Jon for recognizing that Ellis’ friendship was more important than any ego. I have several childhood friends that I fell out of contact with and/or had fights with and when standing at the crossroads, it’s easier to walk away but more rewarding to work it out.

“I need to figure my shit out before we can ever be happy together”
This was hard for me to hear and harder for me to understand, yet it’s the lesson I cherish most. Jon and I were fire and gasoline- in the best and worst of ways. I was madly in love with him and blinded by that love. Neither of us were at our best when we were together so it was inevitable that things wouldn’t work out. I had a mountain of problems and hid from them- behind him. My world revolved around him and I relied upon him to make me happy. The degree to which I needed him was unhealthy and unfair. I hadn’t taken any responsibility for my thoughts, words, actions or behaviors. Looking back, I’m embarrassed by the way I handled it all. Instead of taking his lead and dealing with what life had given me, I spent years being hurt and mad at him for breaking my heart, for leaving me, for walking away. I hit rock bottom and spent years putting the pieces of my life back together. While it took me much too long and thousands of tears to figure it out, I finally saw what was so clear to him many years ago. I wish I’d had the courage to apologize for handling our relationship and breakup with the grief of a child instead of the grace of a woman and I wish I had seized the opportunity to thank him for having such an impact on my life, for forcing me to face life head on, for showing me what it means to be fearless.

I didn’t hear of the news that Jon had passed away until last week. So Saturday I said my good-byes in my own way. I turned on internet radio, typed in Sheryl Crow (we listened to her all the time) and when “Strong Enough” was the first song that played I took it as a sign that he was listening. I turned it up, grabbed a beer, went outside, closed my eyes and replayed all the wonderful memories I had with him. I said out loud everything I wanted him to hear that I never had the nerve to say while he was here. While I was talking, a little black and gray butterfly fluttered around and strange as it is, that butterfly appeared several times throughout the day even landing on my right foot once.

Jon- I’m not sure if it’s coincidence, but I like to believe that was you. If it was, thank you for listening to me. I’m so sad that your family and friends have to learn to live without you here in body and pray that you’ll be a guardian angel and continue to guide them through their lives. As for me, I will carry the happy times with me and be thankful that you blessed my life in a way no one else has. You were in my life for a reason, a season, and I’ll carry these lessons with me for a lifetime. I am a better person today because of you.

Reason, Season, or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown